Bye-Bye, Blondie! Hello, New Goal!

Most overweight people I know didn't get that way by emotionally over-eating because they were so happy with how rad they are. They have emotional baggage that has affected how they view and value their person. One of the basic tenets of re-building self-esteem is centered around setting goals, achieving them, and rewarding for the accomplishment.

The psychology of positive reinforcement and weight-loss has been discussed ad nauseam on the internet (which is an invitation for me to do the same!).  I'm sure if you've ever started a weight-loss program before someone has brought it up.  The concept is simple enough: if you set short-term goals and reward each step as you go, it builds self-worth and momentum towards your long-term goal by offering tangible proof that you are awesome.

• Don't make your goals too hard or too easy
  If you want to lose 100 pounds total as your long-term goal, don't set your first short-term goal at 75 pounds lost or at 5 pounds lost.  Make it something that you have to strive for, but aren't going to be disappointed if it takes time to reach.
  
• Your reward should be rewarding
  Make it special! How hard would you work if you knew after all your effort you were going to get toilet paper?  The reward doesn't have to be something expensive, but it should be something you wouldn't normally buy or do for yourself.  You can get your hair done, buy yourself a new shirt, or go to the zoo! Just make sure it is worthy of the sweat you put into earning it.
  
• Set goals around what you want, not when you want it
  It is discouraging if you don't meet a deadline. Unfortunately, you can't control how your body reacts to changes you'll make in your lifestyle.  You could plateau or injure yourself between now and your deadline.  Set the goal around what you want to achieve (10 pounds lost or to complete 3 pull-ups).
  
• Specificity is a good thing
  A goal of "getting healthy" is too generic to reward unless you outline specifically what you want to change in your life to be healthier.  If you are not doing a "by the pound" goal, set it around the steps you're taking.  Consistency is a great thing to reward! The first time you work out 4 times a week for a month straight is a great accomplishment to celebrate.

That said, as a reward for hitting my first milestone goal (25 pounds lost) I changed my hair color to something I was too scared to do before and I love it! You can now take a moment to change your mental image of me from a blonde to a ginger stick figure.  

My next goal is 50 pounds.  At that point, I will be rewarding myself with new running shoes! I've already done some searching for the running store that will enjoy my patronage!

I fought the DOMS and the DOMS won

I suppose this is one of those situations were "no news is mixed news."  I haven't been updating as often as I'd like because I haven't been working out as often as I'd like and I feel totally guilty.  Yesterday was a huge wake-up call for me in why I can't slack off!

I committed verbally to Team Awesome's plan to run in the San Diego Blood Bank 5k and half-assed the training.  I got into week 3 of Couch to 5k before I let my husband getting sick, work, and other factors take precedence.  I also was being kind to my right knee because it had been giving me a little trouble.

I'm obviously taking this well.

We started the morning feeling fresh and spritely.  Although I hadn't trained I was still confident I could struggle through (I'm an optimistic lady!).  We started jogging and I was doing pretty well! We actually jogged the first half mile or so before something felt "off."  My right knee started hurting (as it has off and on for the past couple weeks).  It was worse though, because I couldn't run through the ache as I normally do.  So, we stopped and started walking as fast as we could.  It was so painful! My race buddy Megan was there and walked with me.   I tried to pick up the pace but my knee and my lack of conditioning were just too much.  I finished the race running, but I knew immediately that I had both under-trained and overexerted myself. 

Which brings me to where I am today.  DESTROYED.  As you can see from the diagram I'm comprised of roughly 50% pain and 50% whining about said pain.  What is the awful pain I'm in and why didn't I feel it yesterday? Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness, that's why!  Ever had an awesome workout and about 24 hours later, felt the effects of said workout in the form of soreness or stiffness?  That's DOMS! 

What physiologically causes DOMS is still under dispute, though the consensus seems to be that eccentric exercise (exercises where the muscle is lengthened to perform a function, like lowering the barbell after a bicep curl) cause damage to the muscle to strengthen it.  The inflammation and soreness in the muscle tissue that occurs because of the damage sensitizes pain receptors in the muscle.  It takes time for the body to have this response, so that's where the delay comes in!

I did do some searches for treatments.  It's pretty clear that nothing you do will cure it and you have to wait out the brunt of it, however, there are ways to lessen the pain.  Heating pads, massage, hot shower/bath, light stretching, NSAIDs (like aspirin, ibuprofen and flurbiprofen), and light exercise are all common suggestions.  Everything but the pain meds are actions that bring more blood flow to the affected area which helps to alleviate pain and speed recovery.  The NSAIDs simply reduce the inflammation causing the pain. 

LESSON LEARNED no more ill-preparedness and no more hiding!  See you at least twice more this week!

The Tale of a Complete Protein

My best friend recently went back to being an Ovo-Lacto Vegetarian and it got me thinking.  Personally, I could absolutely go vegetarian (and have) without issue.  I love all the alternate sources of protein/nutrients that are available for vegetarians; Quinoa, Tempeh, Tofu, and everything in between.  They're all so delicious and different from the flavor profiles I'm used to. Plus, meat isn't really in my top-ten favorite foods.

I would love to support her by taking the plunge into Ovo-Lacto land with her. My only hangup is that feeding a 6'3" muscular dude enough calories on a vegetarian diet is expensive and I don't want to cook two dinners every night. Mr. Husband is a good sport about it, though, and we do try to eat vegetarian at least a couple nights a week.

This is one of my favorite quick, lazy vegetarian dishes and one that Mr. Husband and the best friend adore. Usually it takes less than 15 minutes to make and keeps me full for hours!

Lazy Black Beans and Rice Burritos

• One 15oz can of Black Beans (drained, rinsed)
• Two cups prepared Brown Rice
• Approximately 1.5 cups of Salsa
• Garlic Powder to taste
• Lime Juice to taste
• Cilantro (chopped) to taste
• Whole Wheat Tortillas (2 per person)

Natalie Dee Knows Her Burritos

In a medium saucepan, add your Black Beans and heat on medium heat. Add 1 cup of Salsa, a little lime juice, and a little Garlic Powder. Continue heating. Once the beans/salsa mix are almost boiling, add in the cooked rice and mix well.

Our house loves Cilantro so I add about 1/4 cup at this stage. Let your cilantro cook down into the mix (should take about a minute). If it doesn't look like you have added enough salsa, add about a half cup more.

Taste it frequently.  Since it cooks quickly, you want to make sure it isn't going to taste bland or overpowering! If it tastes too sweet, add lime juice. If it tastes too tart, add a little more salsa. If it is too bland, add more of everything?

Heat your tortillas in your usual tortilla heating fashion. I heat them in a dry frying pan right before I serve.

If you're a nice host/hostess, you'll make a couple burritos for each person and plate that.
If you're cool, like me, you'll give them a couple hot tortillas, a fork and a bowl full of beans and rice and they-will-love-it-or-else.

Depending on your ingredients/preference/people this makes about 2-3 servings of 2 burritos. The calories range from about 450-750 calories per person.

Now that you've made it through the fun part of this entry, get ready for some science! Beans and Rice together form a "complete-protein" which, according to Wikipedia's vast knowledge, means that they are a source of protein that also contains the right balance of amino acids for humans.   Most vegetables on their own do not contain whole proteins (round of applause for soy, spirulina, hemp seed, amaranth, buckwheat, and quinoa which do!) while all animal proteins do. 

Vegetarians are at a huge disadvantage because they don't get to take the easy route.  They are challenged to find the right combination of foods that will provide the right balance.  For my bestie, and those of you interested in eating a vegetarian diet, The Veggie Table has a great list of vegetable pairings that will help to keep your diet healthy and protein plentiful!

Treating Myself to A Challenge

Go Preston Go!

The biceps are a bit wobbly this morning.  I completed Day One of the 100 push-up challenge.  I'm curious as to when I'll stop hating every moment of my flailing about (maybe after a while I'll even stop flailing). The goal was 12 "knee" push-ups to kick off my attempt at 100. There are rest intervals to keep me from completely dying, so that's nice.

In all honesty, my main reason for wanting to do push-ups is because it's not something I've ever tried before.  A lot of the components for this journey have been reclaiming things I've given up on.  I've done a lot of starting over for things I didn't finish. This time, I want to do something for Current Teyie.  I want something that no other incarnation of Teyie has done before; something I never would have thought I could do.

The wobbliness in my biceps has gone.  It left behind a subtle fatigue that is familiar and strange at the same time.  Push-ups are just the beginning! After my 5k training and this push-up challenge, I'll be moving forward towards a new goal.  Maybe the 20 Pull-up Challenge? 

Prior Proper Planning Prevents Sucking

I have figured it out.  I know the common element between all successful people who lose weight, improve their career, and/or build their self-esteem/confidence.  It is something I suck at, but it's also something I can learn. PLANNING.

I am a pseudoplanner. You can't call me a "planner" when plan only the fun parts and leave out the practical, necessary details. Once, recently, I planned for Mr. Husband and I to go to a concert as a surprise.  I didn't think of when the concert would end or how we would get home.  We weren't able to stay for the whole concert because I hadn't planned the end of the night.   I, also recently, planned a day in which my bestie and in-laws were somehow supposed to magically enjoy my presence simultaneously in two different locations.  So, you see, I plan for the event and none of the details.

Feeding Piper a Pickle <3

After a little thought, I realized that a total lack of planning is the common culprit in my stumbles recently.   Yesterday was my niece's first birthday (Happy Birthday, Piper!) and I did not plan on anything but the fun day ahead.   I knew for weeks that the party was coming and that a lot of my day would be dedicated to celebrating.  I made sure I didn't eat any high-calorie foods, but I didn't pay attention to responsibilities I normally handle on Sunday. I didn't make my week's worth of spaghetti sauce, shop for the week's groceries, or finish laundry. This morning, instead of working out, I had to catch up on what I had neglected. 

My fellow pseudoplanners, listen up.  It isn't predictable or boring to have a schedule that you follow.  It is responsible and can make all the difference between your success or lack thereof.  Here are some ways you can plan ahead that will make it easier for you to make healthy choices!

1. When you grocery shop, do so with healthy meals in mind.
   On Sunday, we usually make sure we have at least 5 different calorie appropriate dinners we could eat on any given night.   We also keep in mind that some days I'll be too tired to make a big meal and have at least one "easy peasy" dinner so we won't fall back on fatty fast food.  Lunches are all planned for the week and we're pretty routine with breakfast too.
   
   
2. Bring your lunch.
   I'm fortunate to work from home, but I do make Mr. Husband a healthy lunch every day.  Not only is it financially responsible, but he knows exactly how many calories he's getting in his meal.   If you're a lunch skipper, STOP IT.  Eating lunch is just as important as eating breakfast to keep your metabolism moving and prevent overeating.
   
   
3. Set a schedule for working out.Going to the gym or doing whatever it is you do to move your body more should not be something you question daily.  Will I go today? Do I have time?  YES, because it is scheduled.  Monday, Wednesday and Friday are my days to make sure I get my heart-rate going.   If I don't go to the gym, I run or play a Kinect game because it is workout day.  Period. 
   
   
4. Keep a few snacks available.This doesn't mean to keep a drawer with delicious trigger foods.  Instead, bring a string cheese with you to work and have a small baggie with 10-15 almonds in your purse.  Don't give yourself the opportunity to snack on unhealthy things by not being prepared for getting hungry between meals.  Be careful as well, not to overeat on snacks.  For me, not having them available is the key.  I only keep on hand what I know will fit in my calorie budget for the day.
   
    
5. Make a bed time.
   If you don't have one currently, set a curfew and bedtime for yourself.  Sleep is SO important to weight loss and muscle gain!  Plan for 7-8 hours before you're to wake up in the morning and make sure you're home at least an hour before that time so you can relax before it's time to sleep.
   
   
6. Have a back-up plan. Dinner experiment not going so hot?  You should be glad you grabbed that "easy peasy" dinner you can make to replace it!  If you are not sure about the way a meal or occasion is going to go, plan for an alternate.  Instead of putting off laundry and shopping, do so before you go to your niece's first birthday party so you're not stuck doing it on Monday morning when you're already having trouble motivating yourself to face the day.
   
   
   

Preparation is going to be one of the biggest weapons you have in your arsenal if you're someone who struggles with consistency.  Instead of leaving it to fate, make it happen for yourself.  Have a plan in place that will catch you when you start to fall.

Pizza, The Unsavory Jerk

Dear Pizza, We're breaking up. Love, Teyie

This jerk (and a hectic work schedule) is what hath torn us apart for so many days.  I should have known by the birthmark and grimace that this guy was bad news.  I am a terrible judge of character, though.  He looked so delicious! He also made some kind of "I won't hurt you promise" that I trusted completely.

HE LIED. HE LIED SO INCREDIBLY MUCH.

Saturday night my besties, Mr. Husband and I treked up to Los Angeles to see an amazing comedy show.  I ate healthy all day until after the show when it was 1:30 am and we were all starving.  We hit up a Denny's off the side of the freeway for some late night snackery.  I managed to eat as healthy as one can at Denny's (whole wheat pancakes, turkey bacon, egg whites, fresh fruit and coffee to help with the drive home).  The real trouble came the next day when, after going to bed at about 4:30 am, I was exhausted, lazy and wearing my cranky pants.  We decided on pizza for lunch so I didn't have to cook. 

I learned something that night: after weeks of healthy food, my body now rebels against crappy food and those who eat it (ME)!  Not only was I disappointed that I'd made a poor choice, but my stomach had to say "I told you so" about a billion times before it was satisfied I was sorry enough.  Lesson learned, my friends!  Pizza is now an enemy (unless I make a healthy version).

All in all the weekend was totally worth it.  I love my friends and live comedy! Plus, I learned a valuable lesson to help my on my journey: fatty comfort foods = gastrointestinal discomfort foods now.

Cortisol is a Douchebag

I have always been flippant about sleep.  I get enough to get me by and use the rest of the time to do useless tasks. Things like looking up the etymology of the word "mortgage" (which is actually pretty interesting) always win when the alternative is shutting off for the night.  

< 3 Ellen van Deelen

Monday I woke up feeling sluggish, sore, and irritable after a particularly poor night's sleep. What better opportunity to use my mad Google skills for good?  The results were unanimous: Sleep is incredibly necessary to the weight loss/muscle building process!  You are shooting yourself in the foot if you are trying to lose weight and not getting enough sleep. 

When you are sleeping your body is a playground for hormones.  Ghrelin, Leptin, Cortisol, Testosterone, Human Growth Hormone, and Insulin levels are all affected by the amount of quality sleep you are getting. 

• Ghrelin: I affectionately call this the "pacman hormone." It stimulates appetite! A lack of sleep causes a surge of it in your body, leading you to crave high carbohydrate or high calorie foods.
  
  
• Leptin: This tells your brain that you're full! A lack of sleep causes a depletion of this helpful hormone.  There are studies that imply people with sleep apnea are resistant to the fullness signal that Leptin sends to the brain. 
  
  
• Testosterone: The muscle building hormone! Sleep deprivation reduces testosterone levels making it difficult to build muscle. Every bodybuilding/muscle building resource I have tapped states that Testosterone is the most important hormone to building muscle.
  
  
• Human Growth Hormone (HGH): A lack of sleep limits the natural surge your body produces while you rest.  HGH is an amazingly helpful little guy.  He stimulates the immune system, increases protein synthesis, increases muscle mass through the creation of more muscle fibers,  increases calcium retention and strengthens bones, and stimulates growth in all internal organs (except the brain.)
  
  
• Insulin: Less sleep translates directly into higher insulin resistance.  This means your body has to compensate by releasing more insulin into your blood stream.  When you have excess insulin it can lead to increased fat storage, diabetes and heart disease!
  
  
• Cortisol:  If you were not convinced to sleep more before this point, get ready for our heavy-hitter. Cortisol is, for lack of a better term, a total jerk when you have too much of him around.  Cortisol is a catabolic stress hormone and is usually present when you are stressed and when you are sleep deprived, he gets bigger and badder.
  Cortisol increases abdominal fat storage, stimulates the breakdown of muscle tissue for use as energy, counteracts insulin, can weaken the activity of the immune system, can shut down the reproductive system leading to miscarriage or temporary infertility and increases blood pressure.  Long-term exposure to Cortisol damages brain cells that affect learning and memory retrieval. Honestly, I think of this guy looking like this.

Now, for the amount of time you should be sleeping, most studies I read were comparing people who got 5ish hours of sleep to those who got 7ish hours.  The difference in those two hours was vast.  It is important not to oversleep, too!  That can interrupt your natural circadian rhythm and make it harder for your to fall asleep. 

I also learned I can't weasel out of my 8 hours by "borrowing" an hour the next night.The full benefit of a good night's rest is achieved by sleeping for 7-8 hours and getting up/out of bed without hitting your snooze button.  Sleeping 5 hours tonight and 10 hours tomorrow is not going to give you the same benefits, unfortunately.


A quick tip before we end this sleep-talk: Your body temperature drops a couple degrees around 3pm which is to start the bed-time cycle.  If you're having trouble sleeping, try finding a way to reduce your body temperature.  A cool bath (not shower!!) or open window can actually do wonders for some insomnia sufferers!

Good Things Come in Green Packages

Yesterday was a challenge.  I wasn't able to do my first day of Week Two in Couch to 5k because I was SO TIRED.  I think I've been doing a little much lately and, combined with my gnarly sunburn, that made a totally grumpy, tired jerk.  So, I'll start week two tomorrow and today I'll make up for my bad/tired mood with a little brain exercise! 

One of my favorite foods of all time is broccoli.  I LOVE IT.  Like, if given the choice between a lifetime supply of fresh broccoli and a lifetime supply of pistachio ice cream, I will die a little inside as I choose broccoli.  It is a really versatile and amazing little veggie that happens to taste amazing and the flavor isn't the only reason I love it.

• 1) A cup of raw chopped broccoli is approximately 30 calories which, if based on a 2000 calorie diet is 1.5% of your calories for the day.  These 30 calories will also get you:
• 135% of your daily value of Vitamin C
• 116% of your daily value of Vitamin K
• 9% of your daily value for Fiber
• 8% of your daily value for Potassium
• 14% of your daily value for Folic Acid
• 11% of your daily value for Vitamin A
  
  
•  2) The phytonutrients in broccoli have significant anti-cancer benefits! Specifically, these nutrients work by inhibiting the estrogen metabolite that promotes tumor growth in cancerous breast cells and suppressing cancer cell metasis.
   
• 3) The amount of Calcium in broccoli is very close to the amount of calcium in whole milk and it is better absorbed by your body!
  
  
• 4) Because of how it is cut, frozen broccoli has 35% more beta-carotene by weight than fresh broccoli. It also has twice as much sodium and half the calcium.  Iron, Thiamin, Riboflavin, and Vitamin C levels are also lower in frozen versus fresh broccoli.
  
  
• 5) Steaming, Stir-Frying, and Microwaving are the best ways to cook broccoli while maintaining the mineral nutrients.  Boiling isn't a great option because you can literally boil the goodness out into the water!  Once cooked, your broccoli should still be vibrantly green and crisp.  

I make broccoli at least once a day and my favorite method thus far is steaming it in a double boiler until it is bright green. Then, I grab a fresh lemon and juice it over the broccoli.  Add a little pepper and a dash of kosher salt and it is AMAZING.  I always end up with fresh, bright and vivid flavor plus a side-dish that is super good for me!  It's like Christmas in a vegetable!

Team Awesome Employs Mario and Luigi

Week One of Couch to 5k is over! Stretching and going easy on the speed were the keys to my success.  After the first day, I was really worried about hurting myself again! I hadn't stretched properly afterward. BAD IDEA, GUYS. I made it, though, and the 5k I have planned in July will not defeat me!

I am ecstatic about running. I need rest, otherwise I would do it more than three times a week!  It is incredibly physically taxing but the benefits have been enormous. I think the biggest perk is that it sets a positive tone for my day.  That tone is usually "I'm really hot and tired. Leave me alone while I stretch" until about 20 minutes after my run.  Then, I'm annoyingly positive, confident, and resilient for the rest of the day.  It's hard not to get addicted to that feeling. 

Mr. Husband doesn't understand
that we're not competing.

As much as I rave here, Mr. Husband hears twice as much and I've created a bit of a rabble in our household for 5ks. He won't be joining me for the Blood Bank 5k in July or the AIDS Walk/Run in September, but he will train with me and he found the Light the Night Against Crime 5k in October!  I'm not going to lie, I get all googly eyed when I think about the two of us running together.  I love that I'll get to share how it feels to be on Team Awesome! Also, we're planning on dressing up as Mario (Me!) and Luigi (He!).  Mainly, because I'm short and he's not but we also need to make sure that our nerd-heroes are represented.  Anyone else who runs with me MAY be required to dress as Princess Peach. I'm currently googling fake mustaches and crowns that don't fall off when you run.

I want to run a half marathon.  That's one of my big "Before 30" goals.  The America's Finest City Half Marathon and 5k is in August but I'm concerned that I would need more training than I can get in 3 months in order to meet the less than 3 hour requirement.  The good news is that I won't be 30 in August of next year. So,  I have all year to train for my 2012 Half Marathon! Oh, and train I will. This fire for running is just BURNING through me.

I'll be working on a calendar to show what races I'll participate in.  I want to look back on this a year and a half from now when I've completed at least three 5ks and a half marathon and have plans for more.  Man, future Teyie is gonna be the shit.

15 Pounds Down, A Lot More Eggs To Go

Fifteen pounds down!! I have quite a bit to go, but even 15 pounds is a big deal and should be celebrated! I'm so excited and proud! I've lost more than 5% of myself in just a little over a month! 

In the spirit of positivity and visual metaphors here are a list of things that weigh 15 pounds:

About 11 dozen eggs

The "Beer Barrel Belly Buster" from Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in PA

About 3 2-liters of Pepsi

About 20 Romance Novels

This 90 pound lady (on the moon).

Take the time to be proud of your successes! Celebrating your achievements helps to fuel yourself to make more good decisions that lead to more success.  Recognizing that you have met a challenge head on and conquered it also helps to properly build your self-worth (which is just as important as the weight loss because it helps you keep the weight off)!  

Creeping in My Own Neighborhood

I'm happy to report that running has not killed me! Day Two, Week One of Couch to 5k is behind me!  Mr. Husband destroyed himself last time, so I put him on "not running today rest."  Undeterred by my soreness and hatred for doing anything alone, I ran around my neighborhood like I owned the streets!

My new app, Every Trail is super-rad.  I tell it when to go and shove it in my pocket.  Then, I run around like a gazelle and hit stop when I'm done.   The result is what you see below: an accurate representation of where I went and how fast I got there!

33 Minutes 21 Seconds / 2.1 miles / Average Speed: 3.8 mph

I only need to get one more mile in before I'm practicing exactly 5k!  I came home a hot, sweaty mess concerned that I'd never be running more than a couple blocks! Finding that I've been doing way more than I thought I could was so encouraging.  

Ma'am, I'm from the creeper union.

As for the run itself, it was really nice!  The little neighborhood behind mine was just as cute as before. The jacaranda was blooming and inspired me to prance down that way more than once so I could get a picture. I hope the neighbors don't think I'm weird for sweating my way up and down the street and taking random pictures of their yards.   I'M NORMAL AND NOT WEIRD AT ALL.

Tomorrow, we're going to the gym for strength training.  I have missed working my upper body out!  It deserves some of the punishment I've bestowed upon my poor little legs.

Romancing the (soon-to-be) Toned

I'm officially a Couch to 5ker (assuming membership requires that you have completed Day One, Week One)!  Overall, it was easier than I had imagined. The one minute jogging intervals actually seemed short! Well, at the beginning they seemed short.  At the end, I wanted my podcast host to die in a fire.

I think my favorite part of the run was the location! It was right around our block, so no travelling was required and I got to see the nice side of our neighborhood.  We live on a busy street, so we tend to see the traffic, vagrants, and unfortunate looking people who are allowed to wander about seemingly without aim.  The opposite side of our block is so cute! They have perfect little houses with manicured lawns and smiling little puppies with bright pink tongues. We did 3-ish laps around and I didn't get tired of seeing the adorable houses.

My hamstrings and inner thighs think I'm an idiot for trying to run at all.  After we'd made it home they were very vocal about their distrust of running.  I'm hoping the cool down, stretching, and rest tomorrow will calm them down by Wednesday! I've really got a taste for running again.  Fitness is romancing me and I'm loving being wooed.

My heart still aches from my loss. Work is a good distraction and so are good friends.   It's the hardest when I'm left alone with my feelings and thoughts.  I never thought I'd think "Man, I wish I could just go out and run this off" but I've been feeling like running (away?) all day.

Goodbye to My Favorite Republican

You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there. -Edwin Louis Cole

 

I've been struggling with what to write today.  Last night I spent my evening watching a very strong young man, my cousin, lose a battle we all watched him fight his whole life.  He had Duchenne muscular dystrophy and it, compounded with pneumonia, took his life at 8:30 pm. He was 23 years old.  

 

All my life they were putting time stamps on his death.  Before 10, before 15, before 20...  He held out as long as he could and had a good life with a family that loved him dearly.  He was a brilliant, funny kid who had an educated opinion on everything and a passion for politics. His favorite show, O'Reiley Factor (don't knock him; I loved him despite his views!) was on the hospital TV when we lost him.

 

Loss isn't something I'm good at handling (though I should be with how often it visits me) and watching my cousin be taken off of life support was terrible. I left the hospital soon after he did.

 

My first instincts were to comfort myself with a cigarette and to take the day off from work today to wallow in my pain.  I was thrown into the water and I didn't want to get out.  I wanted to sink to the bottom of the pond and quietly, slowly drown on nicotiene and mexican food. I didn't.  I had one cigarette (which was not as comforting as I had hoped) and a sensible dinner.  I cried in Mr. Husband's arms and went to bed feeling hollow.

 

This was probably my biggest challenge so far. I feel selfish for being proud of myself for not crumbling, but it is progress. Relapsing into old, unhealthy habits is an easy escape from my grief (and one I've used before) but being fat and unhappy isn't going to bring him back.

Of Pain Stumps and Television

I've been working my rear off this week.  I was pretty on point until Wednesday when I picked up The Biggest Loser Ultimate Workout (if you don't follow Xbox 360 stuff, it was a title released last year with the launch of the Xbox Kinect). I did the Boxing workout on the lightest difficulty to test out the game and then hit up my good buddy Dance Central for some extra cardio. 

All was well in Teyie-land until I did the dreaded lunge.  If you ask my quadriceps, lunges are the devil and should be banned from existence because THEY PRACTICALLY KILLED ME.  Not while I was doing them, mind you.  No, lunges are sneaky and wait until the next day to make you feel like your legs have been replaced with "pain stumps."  That said, I really got a good workout in with the game and I'll be playing with it more!

Tanisha 510lbs

Since my pain stumps demanded recovery, I spent most of yesterday doing odd little jobs around the house, playing L.A. Noire and watching Too Fat For Fifteen. L.A. Noire is engaging and beautiful - I really recommend it!  I'd write more about it, but Too Fat For Fifteen is INCREDIBLE! It follows overweight young adults as they attend Wellspring Academy (a year-round school dedicated to weight loss and education). We, over the past couple weeks, have gotten through the first season.  Those kids are so inspiring!  Watching them go from insecure, obese, ignorant kids to confident, active,  kids with a better understanding of health and fitness brings a sense of pride. 

Tanisha 350lbs

Tanisha is my hero! She started Season One at 17 years old and 510lbs. She was homeschooled and, because of Blounts Disease, bedridden for much of her childhood.  Her first timed mile took her more than an hour and twenty minutes to complete.  She never complained about the work or food and appreciated the opportunity to change her life.  At the end of season one she'd lost over 130lbs! Her mile was down to less than half an hour!! We watched her suck it up and do the work even though, at first, she had to be driven up hills and couldn't walk for long without having to sit down.  If she, with such a big obstacle ahead of her, can remain positive and focused anyone can. 

We just got back from a supercharged workout and I'm pumped! Mr. Husband decided to weigh in and he's down 12lbs!  The inspiration from watching other people's success is fanning the fire in my belly.  If I could workout again before work I would!

Dude, Where's My Awesome?

I'm feeling foolish.  I've been reconnecting with some of the things and people that helped me on my journey when I first started in 2008 and I feel like I've been looking everywhere for my keys when they've been in my hand the whole time (I hope this happens to other people...). 

Back in the day my rock was a friend of mine, Megan.  Megan and I worked out consistently together and formed an alliance we called "Team Awesome."  Team Awesome wasn't about just working out. We were dead-set on really improve how we felt, looked, and where we were in life.  It paid of in spades to have a partner! We completed 5ks together, lost over 100lbs between the two of us and we spread that inspiration to other people.  Megan's schedule eventually grew to the complete opposite of mine and Team Awesome slowly went the way of the buffalo.

Lake Murray Trail
Photo Credit to Wilson's Walking Buddy

Today we reunited over a four mile brisk walk around Lake Murray.  We talked about how both of our lives have changed since the hiatus Team Awesome took. I missed our determination and "no-fail" attitude. About half-way through I realized that I was looking everywhere for what was in my hands this whole time.  I have the resources and the ability to do this.  I was one half of the greatest team ever formed! This isn't an "attempt" to change my life!  This is it, it is happening right now. Thank you, Megan, for reminding me of who I can be.  

If you google "team awesome" it isn't us, by the way.  Yes, we're in San Diego.  No, we're not a Pop band.  We're also not in any roller derby leagues. We don't make videos (yet?). We might, however, be some of the things listed on Urban Dictionary (Not the tool one.  We're both rad people).  

Team Awesome is always accepting new members.  You don't have to try out; you just need to try hard.

SoCal LowCal Locale - Olive Garden

I'm a really easy person to impress (add sparklers to any talent show submission and I'm ECSTATIC that I was CHOSEN to join the audience). However, I'm also an easily frustrated person when I can't find a meal that I'm confident isn't going to blow my calorie balance.  I swooned when I heard about the California menu labeling law (SB 1420) in 2008.  I've been seeing its evidence for a while in drive-thrus, but I'm so giddy that it's finally hitting restaurants!

Mr. Husband took me to a lovely lunch at Olive Garden (because we had a gift card). Normally, we avoid eating out because I get so annoyed when I think I've ordered a healthy option and "grilled" turns out to mean "dripping in butter and so huge you could feed 12 4th graders with it."  We decided to give it a shot mainly because we were both really hungry and I didn't want to cook.

Guess who has calorie counts on their menus now? OLIVE GARDEN!

Guess who got to have a delicious, (almost) anxiety free meal? THIS GUY!

Venetian Apricot Chicken
(280-380 Calories)

I had the Venetian Apricot Chicken and one bowl of Minestrone.  Both were super delicious and, combined, were the perfect amount of food for lunch. The best part was that together my calorie-bill came to less than 500 calories! Well, actually, the best part was that I got to pick based half on calories and half on what looked appetizing.  It's like a dream come true to see that on the menu. 

My only complaint is that the menu and the website disagree on the caloric content of the Venetian Apricot Chicken.  The menu touted 280 calories and the website says 380. A meager 100 calories doesn't kill me, so I have no plans on complaining.  Honestly, if it was 380 it was well worth it! The sauce was sweet and apricotty without being overpowering or overly fruity.  The asparagus and broccoli paired really well with it, too.  

I really loved their minestrone.  I'm ashamed to say I've never had a minestrone that didn't come in a can labeled "Progresso."  That said, forgive my language, but that shit was incredible. The flavors were robust and it was packed with veggies!

Minestrone
(100 Calories)

I snuck a breadstick (150 calories).  They're just as fluffy and salty as I recalled.  I don't know if they're worth the calories, but they are amazing dipped in minestrone.  

I'm not going to comment on the service because, well, the poor guy tried... All this post has served to do is make me want to force Mr. Husband into taking me back for more minestrone. I think getting it to-go would make a really yummy lazy Sunday lunch.  

Flavor: 4 out of 5 

Caloric Content: 5 out of 5

Service: 2 out of 5

The models in these photographs belong to Olive Garden.
The photographs are theirs too..

This Monster Also Comes in Avocado Green

Happy Friday the Thirteenth, people! I've never (knock on wood) had anything but a great day on this most superstitious of holidays.   Hopefully, the trend continues because otherwise I'll feel really silly for jinxing myself.

This week has been pretty incredible.  I've learned a lot about myself and didn't have much time to let you in on the details.  Mr. Husband and I went to the gym 3 times total and ate sensibly all week!   Recently, we weren't as consistent or dedicated to our diet or to going to the gym. A whole week of being on point is so motivating! That's not even considering the improvement I'm already seeing in my ability to beat the crap out of myself of the elliptical!

Outside of physical fitness,  it has been an amazing week for my mental fitness.  Normally, I telecommute but on Tuesday and Wednesday I ventured out of the comfort of the nerd-cave and out into the big world to join my colleagues in the office.  This usually causes me extreme anxiety because I (irrationally) think people are going to be angry that I'm taking up so much space with my person.  On Wednesday, I started my day trying on a pair of pants I hadn't worn in a while and ALREADY they fit better.  I've not even lost 10 lbs and I'm already taking up less space!

I had a talk with a mentor while in the office and he helped me to realize that my biggest barrier in my life isn't me, it's me believing in me. I know, it sounds a little hokey, but hear me out.  Why did I stay in the same position within my company for 5 years? Why didn't get down to my goal weight the first time around?  Why haven't I gone to a boxing class? It's because new experiences that I don't think I'll be able to handle terrify me and I assume I'll fail.  No more, I say! I'm a pretty rad lady! I should have confidence in myself, dangit!  The consequences of performing poorly are so much less than the consequences of letting life pass me by.

Let it be known that on this Friday the Thirteenth a monster was born.  This monster doesn't destroy anything but the barriers it puts in front of itself.  So, it's pretty innocuous.  I guess I'm less of a "monster" and more of a "self-cleaning oven"?

Tonto, I Need You to Stop Jumping on it

Mr. Husband and my workout today was pretty dang awesome. I got my cardio and my strength on! :D This is starting to feel like a routine! Now, if I could just get my music together.

One of my best buddies ever was unfortunate in that she's the only person in the known world (known to me) who didn't have any semblance of an iPod.  I had an extra Nano so I gave her the one I was using in favor of one Mr. Husband gave me.  Unfortunately, I wasn't bright enough to update my new toy and assumed that magically my workout mix would just find its way to the new iPod without me taking any action at all. THIS DOESN'T WORK, GUYS.  For some reason, I couldn't just yell at it to make it happen?

There I am on the elliptical sweating and breathing like you'd imagine a pregnant rhinoceros would.  I'm doing alright with some of the songs Mr. Husband had on his workout mix, but they're definitely not my kind of workout jam... Then, what wonderful song should bless my ears? Sugar Hill Gang's Apache, of course.  How this inspires Mr. Husband to do anything more than this I'll never know.  

That got me thinking:  I need to finesse a list of songs I can really get into working out to.  A workout without good music is really difficult to really go for it in and, honestly, my playlist just ain't jammin'.

Through the magic of time travel and science, you didn't have to wait for me to actually revise this playlist. It magically got better and is listed below for your viewing pleasure. Now, this playlist is songs I can picture myself singing on my "Roadtrip at the Beginning of Every Bad Horror Movie."

 Teyie's Revised Workout Jamz 

1. Telephone - Lady GaGa & Beyonce'
2. Valerie - The Zutons
3. Tainted Love - Soft Cell
4. Check Yes Juliet - We The Kings
5. LoveGame - Lady GaGa
6. Jessie's Girl - Frickin' A
7. Move Along - All-American Rejects
8. F**k You - Cee Lo Green
9. I Just Wanna Run - The Downtown Fiction
10. Sugar, We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy
11. Right Round - Flo Rida
12. Backin Up Song - The Gregory Brothers
13. Hello - HELLO
14. Blow - Ke$ha
15. Bad Romance - Lady GaGa
16. Gives You Hell - All-American Rejects
17. I Just Had Sex - The Lonely Island (Featuring Akon)
18. All Out Of Love - Me First and The Gimme Gimmes
19. 500 Miles - Mxpx
20. Poker Face - Lady GaGa
21. Crushcrushcrush - Paramore
22. The Princess Who Saved Herself - Jonathan Coulton
23. Always - Erasure
24. What the Hell - Avril Lavigne

Judge if you must, there's a lot of GaGa in there... If you have suggestions please offer those too!

I'm Gonna Let It Shine All Over You

I've always loved the quote "Writing about music is like dancing about Architecture." Motivation works very much the same way.  I can't explain to you what it is that makes losing weight and being healthier such a personal mission for me, but I know I won't be derailed (I didn't even knock on wood when I said that).  

Finding that little light inside that is willing to fight for you can be so difficult.  I have had many a brilliant start that led to failure because I simply wasn't motivated to really change my situation. I'd start eating healthy and even lose a few pounds, but then a rough day at work would come along.  All of a sudden, I just wanted to share pizza with a commiserating husband.  The next day it was easier to eat unhealthy than to pick myself back up.

So, the morning after pizza, I am proving that one night doesn't extinguish my motivation by reconnecting with the things that make my little light burn bright.  For free, I'm sharing it all with the millions... AND MILLIONS of this blog's fans (here's lookin at you S-Bag & D-Bag). 

Blogging
Sharing this experience with my imaginary internet friends really has put a focus on accountability. It isn't just the readers,though, when I look back I want to be proud of the journey I took to reach my goal.

Success Stories
There's a sub-reddit I love to lurk in to see what other people have accomplished. I want to be one of those awesome people one day.

How RAD it Feels
As much as working out kind of sucks because you're sweating and physically uncomfortable, the things it does for my brain are remarkable. I'm so much more positive and active everywhere else in my life.

Making Mr. Husband Proud
He is proud of me for a lot of other things (I am really cool and stuff). But, I'm totally shallow and I want him to be proud of having "Hot Wife" to come home to.

Shining this Little Light
It feels just like wanting to share a delicious meal because it is delicious and you know your friends will love it. I can't give you the drive to do this for yourself (If I could, we'd be in a fancy office where you paid me a lot of money) but I'll try my hardest to make you want it for yourself.

The Way to a Man's Heart is with Marinara

Yep, you get two blogs today.  That's how much I really want to post this recipe love you!

I haven't mentioned too much about my diet because it's kinda boring.  I've been totally on point with delicious healthy meals, but we are creatures of habit and tend to eat a lot of the same foods over and over.  In fact, we recently had "Spaghetti Week" where we ate different variations of pasta with marinara all week long.  

The Biggest Loser Cookbook has a recipe for marinara that I always try to keep on hand (if I'm not too lazy!).  It is amazing on everything from steamed broccoli to fettucini! I really suggest doubling the recipe and adding calorie free flavor from vinegar, red pepper flakes, and/or garlic powder to really zing it up.  I'm not one of those Sunday-I-Cook-All-The-Food-For-The-Week people but I will be adjusting that to make sure I have this in the fridge for quick weeknight dinners.

Main Event Marinara Sauce
Canned tomatoes will always vary slightly in taste depending on where they were packed, what time of year they were harvested, etc. So sometimes the same recipe for sauce might require a touch of salt, while another may require a hint of sweetener. Here, we added very little of each and loved the results based on our canned tomatoes. If you need to, feel free to add another hint of salt or honey. Just be sure not to overdo it.

Olive oil spray 1 cup minced yellow or white onion
2 tablespoons freshly minced garlic
1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes
1/4 cup water
2 tablespoons no-salt-added tomato paste
2 teaspoons honey
1 tablespoon dried oregano
2 teaspoons dried basil
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
Salt, to taste (optional)

Spray a medium nonstick saucepan with the olive oil spray and place over medium heat. Add the onion and garlic and cook until just becoming tender (they should not brown), 4 to 6 minutes. Reduce the heat to low and with a wooden spoon stir in the tomatoes, water, tomato paste, honey, oregano, basil, and pepper flakes until well combined.

Cover and cook, stirring occasionally, for at least 1 hour. Season with salt, if needed.

Makes 7 (1/2-cup) servings; about 31/2 cups sauce

Per serving: 63 calories, 3 g protein, 15 g carbohydrates, less than 1 g fat (trace saturated), 0 mg cholesterol, 3 g fiber, 15 6 mg sodium

Lifted from: NBC.com

Elliptical-Land Doesn't Have Any Fun Rides

 When one googles "cardio" the resulting photos are totally misleading! This little lady looks like this she just finished an easy workout and then misted herself with water to cool down a little.  When I go to the gym, it's more like this.  I'm tired, sweating buckets, breathing like a lawnmower and focusing on not giving up.  I can't wait to stop sucking!

I got to take Mr. Husband with me to Elliptical-Land this morning! Both of us were completely wiped after 20 minutes. It was really fortunate that I caused us to run late so we HAD to leave right after cardio.  I got to maintain my pride and pretend like I wasn't a giant wet noodle walking out! Overall, it was easier this time which I would totally credit to my mad dancing skills* in Dance Central. I convinced Mr. Husband to join me in the mornings and now when we don't gym, we'll both look like freaks in our livingroom.

* "Skills" should not be taken literally.  There is nothing skillful about how I flail about off-beat like I'm being electrocuted.

Dance Like a YouTube Fail

While I haven't been back to the gym, (because I'm terrible at time management and wake up too late) I have been working my heart muscle with Dance Central. If you're not familiar, it is a super fun Xbox Kinect title that has you mirroring dance moves you see on the screen.  No controllers, just me in all of my awkward glory.  If there are people monitoring my every move, YOU'RE WELCOME. For those of you who can't see it, just imagine a little of this only with a heavier, more female fail-er.

I'm still on easy and I have only touched about 15 songs, but I'm getting a really nice little burn in.  The best part is that, since I'm a hermit, I don't have to leave my house to do it.  Eventually, I'll be less of an introvert, but for now I will remain hidden in my Nerd-Den hoping no one peeks in to see me.  If you're really curious, I pretty much look just like this:

Nothing to see here, folks. Just flailing my arm about wildly and concentrating on my business.