RIP Best Feeling in the World

I had such fancy plans this morning! We were to get up at 5 am, leave within a half hour and workout using the begginer workout I found.  Then, we would leave the gym around 6:45 am so I had time to take a shower before work. 

(This is the part where the plan fell apart)

At 5:09 am, I woke with a start to my alarms screaming at me.  One is the high pitched shrieking of a she-beast in heat and the other is this song (which is actually a pretty rad way to wake up).  I turned them off, rolled over and realized that suddenly, I had the most comfortable bed in the world!  It was like I turned over into a magical land where your bed is always the perfect temperature and is made of whipped cream clouds that cradle your body perfectly.   My heart broke as I got up and readied myself for the day.

We finally got to the gym only to find that it doesn't open on the weekends until after 7.  All this planning and I didn't think to check the gym's schedule. That's why people don't let me plan things.  I'd say about 90% of the time, I'll miss one of the most obvious issues (like that it that the gym isn't even open or it might rain or we have something else scheduled that day or that it isn't allowed by the laws of physics...).

To cheer me up, Mr. Husband bought me a delicious cappucino (110 calories for a venti non-fat cappucino at Starbucks!) and joined me for a brisk 20 minute walk around the shopping center.  Even if it wasn't a true workout, it made me feel better that we were out and active on such a nice morning.

I'm bummed I didn't get the chance to try to destroy myself on the elliptical but I am truly heartbroken that perfect blissful comfort was only mine for 6 minutes.  For the rest of my life, I will miss feeling like the cherry on a giant heavenly sundae. 

I'll Take Amorphous Yellow Blobs for $59.95, Alex.

I peeked.  I know I told myself I wouldn't weigh myself for a month, but I lied.  I just couldn't wait! I'm feeling so much better (after 10 days, yeah, I know...) and needed to see if it was all a mental change or if I was actually physically changing too.  The results are in, I be changin' all around, baby!

This is one pound.  Just one ugly pound of nasty human fat.  It's also a replica you can buy here.

So I lost 7 of those. I lost 7 ugly pounds of nasty human fat! Now, I still have a lot more to lose, but lugging around 7 less of those monstrosities is only going to make that easier.  

Speaking of hard work, tomorrow I'm going to try my hand at this workout.  I'm hoping it will be just intense enough that I can leave with enough strength to go to work afterward.

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Elliptical

Well, thank you blog-that-I-haven't-shown-anyone-but-still-act-as-if-is-read-by-thousands.   You inspired some good choices this morning!   

Mr. Husband woke me up promptly at 5:30 am. I was not ecstatic about gym times.  In fact, I was seriously considering "NOT gym times" being the theme of the day as the night before I ate the Mexican Food equivalent of colon blow:  Brown rice and black bean burritos with fiber fortified tortillas. Hey, guys, bad idea! Don't do that!.  Seriously, don't overdo the fiber if you're not used to it; it's not comfortable.

We finally dragged ourselves to the gym but we're both reconsidering this whole "working out on an uneasy stomach" thing.  I'm good enough to go and super dedicated to this WELL READ AND LOVED BY ALL blog that I simply couldn't throw in the towel.   So, I did what any asshole would and made Mr. Husband wait for me in the car. 

Have you ever had a friend that you reconnected with after some time only to find that there's a reason you're not friends anymore? The elliptical and I were BFFs a few years ago. We would hang out for an hour at a time and I'd whine when we were apart for too long. Things have changed between us... After 2 minutes I was already realizing how far apart we had grown.  The elliptical was a stranger and I didn't belong in his life anymore.  I had planned a 20 minute workout, but this was so difficult that I wasn't sure I'd make it. 

I did make it, though! I almost barfed twice and I was exhausted halfway through.  Afterward, I felt like someone had replaced my legs with baby versions of themselves.  I really wish someone 5 times as tall as me could have helped me walk out of the gym (I'd let them use one of these).  As I was alone, unfortunately, I had to handle my own ungraceful exit.  

There you have it, I went to the gym like a good girl and did my full workout because of you.  I also decided that I will be working to condition myself for the San Diego Blood Bank 5k! July 10, I'll be there.  July 9, I'll avoid ODing on fiber.

No, She Didn't!

Yeah, I did.  I figure I'm more likely to stick with this if I've fully broken myself down and confronted the truth via embarrassment.  I'm not just overweight; I'm morbidly obese.  At 5' 4.5" my poor bones and atrophied muscles can't handle this much weight.  So, confront it I will... kinda.  You can see my lovely apple shape, but the face of this goddess remains hidden.

If I were you, dear reader, I'd want more than a poorly MSpaint doodle and a bunch of pretty words about what is going to happen.  I'd want the meat! Who is this gentle stranger with a head like a disapproving melon? I'm a 27 year old married nerd and I work as a Customer Advocate for a large insurance company.  I was heavy all my life until about 3 years ago when I lost 85 pounds in 10 months by eating healthy and exercising.  I was smokin hawt and so happy! Then, as has happened to so many people, I lost someone I love dearly and ate every calorie of my grief. I gained every pound back. Now, I'm gonna do this the right way and make sure all of my emotional and physical baggage comes off permanently.

GOALS:    

1. Lose 132 lbs.  
2. Do 100 Pull Ups in a row
3. Do 100 Push Ups in a row
4. Run a Half-Marathon

METHOD:

• BodyBugg Calorie Management System
• Chuz Gym Membership
• Healthy Homemade Food (Yeah, your basic "eat healthy and exercise" routine)

Tomorrow is workout Day 1.  I've been paying the fat-tax on this gym membership for months and I'm finally going to use it! I really can't wait to get those endorphins coursing through me again.

I Love You, Buff McLargeHuge!

I spent nearly six hours coming up with a title for this blog.  In fact, I owe my best friend and husband approximately $50.00 each for the time and effort they put into actually coming up with it.  If you're interested, here is a list of the blogs you could have been reading:

Diary of a Rad Fat Woman
Fly High, Teyie
Ramblings of a BAMF
Ain't No Muffin-Top Like The One I Got
Teyie's Fitness Odyssey
The Incredible Shrinking Woman
Zombie In Training: Getting in Shape for the Coming Uprising
Titles Are Lame: I'm Too Busy Getting Buff
Adventures of Rad Girl
I want a Buff Corpse

My personal favorite was "I Love You, Buff McLargeHuge" (an obscure Mystery Science Theatre 3000 reference I'm sure my husband and self would have snickered at while all of you at home were confused). I'm sorry if you would have preferred one of these titles, however I got to make the decision and I'm not very good at that kind of thing. 

In the coming [Insert Amount of Time Before I Get Bored] this will be a pretty close to daily blog with updates about my journey to a healthier me. I quit smoking about 20 days ago and in the next week I'll be overhauling my inactive lifestyle in favor of one where I leave the house. I'll also be paying a bit more attention to what I eat (like.. I'll start paying attention).

I have a lot of weight to lose and not all of it is the kind you can burn off with diet and exercise. I gots me some baggage, son! I'll probably work on that too.  I don't know how much of it I'll let you see until we know each other better.