Goodbye to My Favorite Republican

You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there. -Edwin Louis Cole

 

I've been struggling with what to write today.  Last night I spent my evening watching a very strong young man, my cousin, lose a battle we all watched him fight his whole life.  He had Duchenne muscular dystrophy and it, compounded with pneumonia, took his life at 8:30 pm. He was 23 years old.  

 

All my life they were putting time stamps on his death.  Before 10, before 15, before 20...  He held out as long as he could and had a good life with a family that loved him dearly.  He was a brilliant, funny kid who had an educated opinion on everything and a passion for politics. His favorite show, O'Reiley Factor (don't knock him; I loved him despite his views!) was on the hospital TV when we lost him.

 

Loss isn't something I'm good at handling (though I should be with how often it visits me) and watching my cousin be taken off of life support was terrible. I left the hospital soon after he did.

 

My first instincts were to comfort myself with a cigarette and to take the day off from work today to wallow in my pain.  I was thrown into the water and I didn't want to get out.  I wanted to sink to the bottom of the pond and quietly, slowly drown on nicotiene and mexican food. I didn't.  I had one cigarette (which was not as comforting as I had hoped) and a sensible dinner.  I cried in Mr. Husband's arms and went to bed feeling hollow.

 

This was probably my biggest challenge so far. I feel selfish for being proud of myself for not crumbling, but it is progress. Relapsing into old, unhealthy habits is an easy escape from my grief (and one I've used before) but being fat and unhappy isn't going to bring him back.