Goodbye to My Favorite Republican

You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there. -Edwin Louis Cole

 

I've been struggling with what to write today.  Last night I spent my evening watching a very strong young man, my cousin, lose a battle we all watched him fight his whole life.  He had Duchenne muscular dystrophy and it, compounded with pneumonia, took his life at 8:30 pm. He was 23 years old.  

 

All my life they were putting time stamps on his death.  Before 10, before 15, before 20...  He held out as long as he could and had a good life with a family that loved him dearly.  He was a brilliant, funny kid who had an educated opinion on everything and a passion for politics. His favorite show, O'Reiley Factor (don't knock him; I loved him despite his views!) was on the hospital TV when we lost him.

 

Loss isn't something I'm good at handling (though I should be with how often it visits me) and watching my cousin be taken off of life support was terrible. I left the hospital soon after he did.

 

My first instincts were to comfort myself with a cigarette and to take the day off from work today to wallow in my pain.  I was thrown into the water and I didn't want to get out.  I wanted to sink to the bottom of the pond and quietly, slowly drown on nicotiene and mexican food. I didn't.  I had one cigarette (which was not as comforting as I had hoped) and a sensible dinner.  I cried in Mr. Husband's arms and went to bed feeling hollow.

 

This was probably my biggest challenge so far. I feel selfish for being proud of myself for not crumbling, but it is progress. Relapsing into old, unhealthy habits is an easy escape from my grief (and one I've used before) but being fat and unhappy isn't going to bring him back.

Of Pain Stumps and Television

I've been working my rear off this week.  I was pretty on point until Wednesday when I picked up The Biggest Loser Ultimate Workout (if you don't follow Xbox 360 stuff, it was a title released last year with the launch of the Xbox Kinect). I did the Boxing workout on the lightest difficulty to test out the game and then hit up my good buddy Dance Central for some extra cardio. 

All was well in Teyie-land until I did the dreaded lunge.  If you ask my quadriceps, lunges are the devil and should be banned from existence because THEY PRACTICALLY KILLED ME.  Not while I was doing them, mind you.  No, lunges are sneaky and wait until the next day to make you feel like your legs have been replaced with "pain stumps."  That said, I really got a good workout in with the game and I'll be playing with it more!

Tanisha 510lbs

Since my pain stumps demanded recovery, I spent most of yesterday doing odd little jobs around the house, playing L.A. Noire and watching Too Fat For Fifteen. L.A. Noire is engaging and beautiful - I really recommend it!  I'd write more about it, but Too Fat For Fifteen is INCREDIBLE! It follows overweight young adults as they attend Wellspring Academy (a year-round school dedicated to weight loss and education). We, over the past couple weeks, have gotten through the first season.  Those kids are so inspiring!  Watching them go from insecure, obese, ignorant kids to confident, active,  kids with a better understanding of health and fitness brings a sense of pride. 

Tanisha 350lbs

Tanisha is my hero! She started Season One at 17 years old and 510lbs. She was homeschooled and, because of Blounts Disease, bedridden for much of her childhood.  Her first timed mile took her more than an hour and twenty minutes to complete.  She never complained about the work or food and appreciated the opportunity to change her life.  At the end of season one she'd lost over 130lbs! Her mile was down to less than half an hour!! We watched her suck it up and do the work even though, at first, she had to be driven up hills and couldn't walk for long without having to sit down.  If she, with such a big obstacle ahead of her, can remain positive and focused anyone can. 

We just got back from a supercharged workout and I'm pumped! Mr. Husband decided to weigh in and he's down 12lbs!  The inspiration from watching other people's success is fanning the fire in my belly.  If I could workout again before work I would!

Dude, Where's My Awesome?

I'm feeling foolish.  I've been reconnecting with some of the things and people that helped me on my journey when I first started in 2008 and I feel like I've been looking everywhere for my keys when they've been in my hand the whole time (I hope this happens to other people...). 

Back in the day my rock was a friend of mine, Megan.  Megan and I worked out consistently together and formed an alliance we called "Team Awesome."  Team Awesome wasn't about just working out. We were dead-set on really improve how we felt, looked, and where we were in life.  It paid of in spades to have a partner! We completed 5ks together, lost over 100lbs between the two of us and we spread that inspiration to other people.  Megan's schedule eventually grew to the complete opposite of mine and Team Awesome slowly went the way of the buffalo.

Lake Murray Trail
Photo Credit to Wilson's Walking Buddy

Today we reunited over a four mile brisk walk around Lake Murray.  We talked about how both of our lives have changed since the hiatus Team Awesome took. I missed our determination and "no-fail" attitude. About half-way through I realized that I was looking everywhere for what was in my hands this whole time.  I have the resources and the ability to do this.  I was one half of the greatest team ever formed! This isn't an "attempt" to change my life!  This is it, it is happening right now. Thank you, Megan, for reminding me of who I can be.  

If you google "team awesome" it isn't us, by the way.  Yes, we're in San Diego.  No, we're not a Pop band.  We're also not in any roller derby leagues. We don't make videos (yet?). We might, however, be some of the things listed on Urban Dictionary (Not the tool one.  We're both rad people).  

Team Awesome is always accepting new members.  You don't have to try out; you just need to try hard.